• WHY DO WE GET MARRIED? (Love the person you marry or marry the person you love?)

 

MR HENG SWEE KEAT

  • Because you love the person and hope to live a life together.
  • Learn to love the person you marry.
  • It's not about the wedding but the marriage.
  • Overcoming adversity together.
  • To grow together and not grow apart.
  • Staying in love is just as fulfilling and important.
  • How do we stay in love?
  • Affecting factors: Practical issues (housing, financial, kids, etc). Over commit. (@ 14:15)
  • Discover about each other (e.g, different parenting styles)
  • Especially when you're blessed with your 1st child, priorities will change.
  • To grow stronger together through ups and downs, through hardships. (@ 20:40)
  • Investment of time and effort.
  • Source of joy and satisfaction.
  • Have faith, strong belief and put in effort towards a meaningful life. 

 

USTAZ FIZAR ZAINAL

  • When connected with religion, Marriage = Life. (@ 26:00)
  • Not just a spiritual path but will have societal impact.
  • (Based on Prophet Ayyub A.S and his wife, Rahmah).
  • "Do not associate with anyone whose circumstances do not awaken you, and whose words do not guide you to Allah." (Al-Hikam, Ibn Ata'Illah)
  • To have a good ending in life, first learn how to go back to God in the beginning of your life.
  • No one know when calamity will befall upon your shoulders.
  • Hence, prepare to react positively and remember life goes on.
    • 1. He was bestowed with Rahmah (beautiful, respected, honorable)
    • 2. Blessed with immense wealth (where his community would come to his gatherings as he gave out incentives to them)
    • 3. Granted with children.
  • After blessed with good health for 70 years, he was tested with a calamity. His illness pushed him to lay to rest in a cave.
  • Lost his:
    • 1. Followers
    • 2. Children
    • 3. Wealth
  • Left with only God and his wife.
  • His wife replied to his "wouldn't you want to leave me too?": "We have lived with peace and love for the past years, I wouldn't mind to live with you in this condition for years more".
  • After 7 years of hardship, Allah reinstated his wealth and health before he return to Allah as a successful person.
  • Marriage is not just the combination of love. (@ 33:50)
  • To enjoy Sakinah, Mawaddah, Rahmah (Tranquility, Love, Mercy) in our hearts.
  • [30:21] And one of His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and affection; verily, there are signs in this for a people who reflect. ''وَمِنۡ آيَاتِهِ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَاجًا لِّتَسۡكُنُوا إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحۡمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوۡمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ''.
  • Building process take a long time because foundation needs to be strong or it will jeopardize the whole structure.
  • Marriage to be built on stilts of faith, trust and responsibility.
  • The first foundation that needs to be strengthened and ensure it's rock solid is family institution.
  • Challenges > Characteristics of our spouse
  • Culture > Inter racial
  • Compatible > Faith; Individual that remind of God
  • Character > To understand each other
  • Endure that you are always reminded of having a family and path to God.
  • Look after your family. Otherwise: In this Dunya, government will chase after you and Akhirah, Allah will.

 

USTAZAH NURHANNAH IRWAN

  • Is one more superior than the other?
  • Superior in certain aspect and of both sides.
  • Marriage is the union of 2 equals.
  • Not by default a certain gender is more superior than the other.
  • Respect: No one owes another human being unconditional obedience (only to Allah).
  • Even to parents, with conditional and logical obedience.
  • Self love and self protect (no physical abuse, etc).
  • No matter the reasons of marriage, it should eventually leads to certain outcome, especially for Muslims.
  • Spouses are like garments:
    • 1: No barrier, 1st line of protection, also your weakness and flaws).
    • 2: A reflection of a person, portrays the spouse).
    • 3: To add/give a sense of tranquility).
  • What's your purpose:
    • 1: Will lead to higher objective?).
    • 2: Be an aulia/protectors of one another).
    • 3: Support each other).
    • 4: Mutual needs each other).
  • Even earlier than 10 to 15 years, especially once blessed with kids, priorities will change.
  • Doesn't mean constant pampering or regular night out or holidays will guarantee happiness and lasts.
  • Strive towards protecting and preserving.
  • Nafkah: Times are changing and we have dual income families (both to decide and be understanding), to protect interest of non-working spouse, basic needs to those who comes under your responsibility.
  • Mahar, which is strictly for the wife, can only be shared if she decides to.
  • Accepting changes in marriage.

 

HJ MD YUSOF ISMAIL

  • Even after soo many years, there can be times when you question yourself why you're in the marriage.
  • Different mindsets, different thinking.
  • To remind ourselves the good times, good things they did for us and what makes us fall for them.
  • Different phrases of the marriage/life, requires different approach (physical or emotional) and to give love constantly.
  • Marriage is risky but worth it.
  • Look at the positive ones.
  • It brings fulfillment.
  • To understand the hidden meaning (eg, wife will mention "up to you", but it's not literally meant do as you wish. They have different feelings). (@ 41:14)
  • You were once love of her life, but when blessed with kids, your position will change.
  • Accepting the differences, that's part of the learning journey.
  • Divorces between young couple? Love doesn't bloom just like that. It need to be watered, fertilised. Got to give in not because we are right or wrong but because we treasure the relationship. Best for man to do so.
  • If comforting words doesn't help, a physical touch (hug, etc) will help, in shaa Allah. (@ 48:20)
 
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